AwAKeNiNg?!

 Yooo

Once again nostalgia has brought me back here.

It’s been a solid few years since I’ve been here and for no reason anyone would come back to visit old blogspotty boi 

How’s everyone? Boi’s 33 and old now, ironically married, gotten a house and gotten a sweet sweet car of a shitbox.

Who would have known life is as it is right now, so many close death experiences and unfortunately still alive and still questioning my life choices and decisions.

I guess that’s just part of the play.

I hope blogspot will live on forever so I can read all my past stupid stories and emo posts. But mostly just to reminisce all the good times with friends and perhaps just myself.

To those who visit from the start, yo!

To those who stumble upon here for whatever reason, yo as well, hope life is good for you and all in the world.

It’s changing drastically and I hope it’ll be for the better though it seems to be the opposite now.

Till when I feel like blogging again, take care y’all.

Absentation

Blast past the younger days and about to hit the big three.

It's amazing how life speeds through us, or do we speed through life?

I bid a solemn farewell to my half year tundra beard and moustache as I looked deeply into my unrecognisable self, in disbelief after looking through old posts of how things used to be.

I did wish I, or we, for the fallen brothers, that we had some sort of a guide through the second decade of life.

A guide I suppose, doesn't have to be comprehensive though. Just something to go by.

If not, someone, an NPC or some sort, would have been brilliant.

Of course, back nine years ago when I set eyes on the most beautiful person I've ever seen, I wouldn't have changed my thoughts even right now.

Then there she was, matured, much wisdom and thought, throwing back to what we thought were the pinnacle of those five years of fun we had.

Thinking of what could, of what had, and what didn't.

A playful thought and contact, we bid so long to the lost years, those eyes and that snicker I remember very fondly, shared when we barely know each other and the last glances and those very "see you next time".

Daylight broke through the lids and I glanced around, not a sign of the spirit I stole moments through the slumber.

I laid there processing of what happened and really took the time to cement that occasion.

On fours on the tarmac, I felt a familiar piercing through the nose bridge.

The same kind of through the cliche joys and laughter.

Silence filled the void of the mind, melancholy.

Glancing upon again I realised if it's not meant to, it's probably through the works of a higher being.

I sat here on the couch like the very, many tiring years, penning down virtually, hoping one day the very eyes I sat upon will somehow response the very same.

I hope all is well in the world.

A real tongue twister caught by surprise as I found myself flung through the depths of time.
I took a step back and ponder upon how did moments I remember rather vividly, disintegrated and a flurry.
Then came the moments when I wonder what a pest time can be, The Chain.

—

It’s funny how “Time”, didn’t come naturally, like gravity, mass, your usual science b.s came into existence.
We merely conjured time and made it official because we needed something to abide by.
Same goes for religion and rules.

Ascending, a shot up with a warm familiar tug on my left shoulder, then an unfamiliar taste and sense, I was took aback on both sides.

I wondered how time, a devil and a charmer separated these courses.
How things rifted with a melancholic block.
A number apart, rings and promises.
I looked in horror and a mindset of dismay.

I spoke and asked how should things be.
Repeated, and I knew time the devil stood steadfast.
Should there be another moment whereby we meet there again,
is when expiries are fateful together.

I know somehow the convergences on this timeline are wrong.
A heist we took a chance but a missing catalyst.
A carton, pack or pint would suffice,
I long a century where hours transcend lifetimes.  

2017 shot pass real fast ; I didn’t even realize it did.
When it eventually set it, I’m 26.

“Listen to the wind blow, watch the sunrise”

Unknowingly, I do remember the times when I’m all alone, handling my own crippling depressions.
Now I’m with a lady who I hold dearly, without much dispute than compared to previous times.
Probably one thing I have to manage is my words and how I handle certain situations.

Every year during the year end I’ll blog about how that year has impacted me, be it great or mehh.
2017 has been fulfilling alright, period.
Be it work or personal life situations, it’s been great.

One thing I remember most vividly is me having to drive so many different vehicles, because firstly, my paranoidal for driving; crashing and nonsensical things.
So it’s no doubt a blessing to be safe in this year although I was hesitant on taking the first step to begin with.
I think till date, the vehicles I’ve driven are Toyota, Suzuki, Honda, Hyundai,  Opel, Ford, Chevrolet,  Peugeot and Mercedes Benz, and on one occasion, a lorry.
Generally every vehicle has it’s owns perks and booboos, but I believe driving in Singapore has it’s own perks; for this country is on the difficult scale of Hard if it was a game.

Next would be work wise.
I enjoy my work, truthfully.
But it was gone to a point that it has became an annoyance somehow.
Colleagues can be a butthole, a menance and sometimes utter chaos.
One thing I can never get over is how my job works, but it’s by nature.
There’s no way I can change it, but I gotta embrace it.
But honestly no matter how much I nag about it, it’s still a stepping stone and I enjoy the flexibility of it.

Lastly it would be my partner.
I believe I found the perfect one for me.
Theres no such thing as perfect but she’s great for me.
We learn so much from previous relationships that we learn to compromise, forgive and forget.
It’s alright really, I’m not complaining, but I do love her as much nevertheless.

A couple of ragrets; pun intended.

My family.
I haven’t been home lately, and I think my parents have took notice to that.
It’s hard to say no sometimes, even more when it comes with a price.
Somehow when I do, there are some repercussions to it.
I should work on that and be a better son.

My friends.
Somehow this isn’t a big a big deal since not everyone is free either.
But I get messages of where and what have I been doing.
Of course work takes up so much of my time; it’s a tenacious job afterall.
But I do wish they understand what’s going on in events and how it really works, not just a simple job with long hours.

Lastly, my hobby of darts.
I slumped quite badly till the point of almost becoming a novice in the game.
From an awefully okay player, it’s quite a shame to play till sunstandard situations.
When being challenged by another darter, it can be quite embarassing to play no confidence, or all of a sudden with so much; it becomes a case of a head scratching situation.
What more is that this game involves both mental and a stable composition.
I wish to come back strong and to compete again, whether with friends or in a league. I miss the thrill.

I hope 2018 will be another fulfilling one, be it a thunderous and curious one, it’s never a problem for me to decline a challenge.

The rogue

Forty-eight minutes past twelve.
Deep and heart thoughts, swift fingers across stained screens.
An anxious pounding, a voice to be heard over an hour after dawn.
Awakened at the usual, a pleasure every morning.

Thirty after, a duty I promised.
Mere six and caught conversing aloud, ignored the attention.
A cloud of conversation,
It was a Friday, a joyous weekend to adhere to.

Delight
--

Three quarters, a surprise waiting.
Caught pacing in the pink, a panic and afraid.
An enraging spirit uncontrollable,
pressure down the master of speed.

An interesting thing to behold, truth being told,
selfless.
I found myself a sacrifice, a past of almost eight.
To save for better times.

A will
--

Bitter-sweet, a cringe, an unsettling.
A ride around North-East.
Hopes and better days,
an advice in the early hours.

Unjustifiable, we make choice on our own accords.
One that I will ultimately adhere by.
Promises might not be eternal, but words and actions justifiable.
A work towards bliss and fulfillment.

"Enforce the pact"

The Switch

Flawless cruise down the lane, switching lanes, I made it in five.

A press of a button, crank with the left hand, a miraculous entry without a second attempt.

Sprint round the block for an errand, I sat back with a slight pant.

It was eleven twenty, the night was still relatively young.

The familiar buzzing from the cell caused me to stir.

Wrong directions and mis-navigation, I guided towards the intended.

A natural motion, I soon found myself en route to a familiar location.

I conjured a snicker as the acceleration kicked in.

Warm meets the clammy.

--

A minute off the top of the day.

I glanced upon the serenity of the horizon, it was surreal.

The moon hung amidst the clouds; almost a giant lamppost, she exclaimed.

Agreeing with disbelief, I shook my head slightly, eyes closed with a squeal.

Hesitant as I fumbled upon the array of controls,

"Opps, not this one," I exclaimed with embarrassment.

A chorus from The Chainsmokers broke out, a kind rendition as accurate as I can imagine.

Nothing can amaze me more than the lady on the left.

Uplifts

--

Thanking, taking a leave with a slight curtsy.

I anticipated a detour, two seconds later.

The Ford halted several feet away, a frown and a pout.

Gold streaks fluttered a farewell as I set my foot off the master of deceleration.

Nights like these,

Wondrous to behold, indeed.

More importantly, what's shared is meant to be kept.

I yearn for such another night to come.

"Loved and adorned".

The Bain

"What doesn't kill you make you stronger."
Or that's what other speaks.
Strongholds and cave ins.
There's more than meet the eye.

An unlikely series of wishes indeed hit a certain brace.
I felt the welling, a sense of invoking and understanding.
Empathizing, I swallowed truth and it imploded.
It was indeed uneasy but respectable.

Burning wires
--

I soon realized I was living for someone else.
I wouldn't use the word "again", because I've learnt.
Learnt to understand, listen and convey.
To let go and to vision afar.

Pain is indeed a temporary segment of our daily strolls.
Myself, physical strains and throbbing veins are indeed temporal.
The equinox of the mainframe, control and command.
Never let that collapse upon oneself, there's where the real apocalypse arises.

Red sights
--

I've collectively seen the best and the worst of the week.
I'm proud that I've conquered and accomplished my agenda.
Saddened by the events of what lead to a demoralizing demise.
A victory will never rise from a defeat of another.

Nevertheless, a dawning of another month draws upon new challenges.
New thresholds and recollections, a chance to absorb and expose.
An enormous hurdle draws closer, I'm waiting to clear this one.
I finished the remains of liquid gold, an unusually clear sight narrows.

"Remember and relish".

The Adventure

Decelerated, I took small steps as I reached the corner of the street.
I inched through the glass door and took what I needed, two cups of ramen and beers.
On the top of my head, the thought of it was killing me inside.
I was enraged.

What turned out to be a relatively simple but enjoyable day has turned out likewise.
I don't blame it totally, but I do feel the surge of misalignment between us.
Hesitantly finishing one, I cranked the can open and chucked one down, it was a torture.
How long this would last, there's no clear answer and indefinite, I was in for a thrill.

Death glares

--

The feeling of uncertainty and the need to remain vigilant, I took charge.
I was on the tip of my toes, I would know what would strike.
At the back end, I feel a sense of remorse and responsibility.
I knew I had to be the one to be on alert, aggressive and assertive.

I tolerated tantrum and tough torments, a cold rush of adrenaline.
Your war is over, surrender your facade and delusions.
Sixth day of the week are nothing but a cloak of the dusk.
The long unknown, hours of nothing but waiting.

How strange and innocent

--

Initial thrills and purposeful notes.
The acknowledgement and the joy.
Leaning on trust and comfort, I concede to thou.
I would if I could but I never should.

Hands on the clock never did me any justice anymore.
It's a matter of time, it always was, and it's man worst fear.
I glanced upon again, I heaved and consoled.
For tomorrow brings upon the dawn of hope and a better understand of things.

"Forgo the complacency"

The thawing.

I got off the bridge, landed slightly off than usual, but managed to catch my balance.

“Tough week”, I concluded, glancing through the turquoise tints and a crinkled nose, raising my brows slightly.

I was proud, beaming with high prides and accomplishment.

The hectic and unforgivingness has taken a major toll, but for a miraculous one, unshaken.

My skin was dry, bold, chapped; cold.

I yearn for some warmth.

Missing

—

It’s the dawning of March, a couple of weeks back I was still in the enlightened state of Bangkok.

I was enjoying every single bit of life that I found in an unthinkable landscape.

Letting go of every irrational thought; I was a free agent.

A duty to uphold, I stood by such a command and adhered closely.

A sacrifice, I spoke of a moment just four days ago.

I’m surprised I managed to make sense of words in a jumbled order, warped out of confusion.

However much, at the current state of my internal furnace,I’m buffered and stricken.

The journey, probably a test out of the ordinary.

Brewing 

—

Howls and gusts, last minute blinkers weaves.

Just how things are in the midst to point B.

It was desperate, devastating and slightly delusional.

Five seats front, a stranger has pressed his head against the window, probably in annoyance of the works of nature.

Torrential, are these mere tests, an epiphany?

A task brought to filter the great from the mass.

An unfaltering reason, I created an attempt of remain unfrayed.

Seven more minutes, I’ll swim in humidity again, minus the sun rays.

I’ll rendezvous no matter, a different kind of warmth I seek.

Always a charm and a dear.

I’m just a couple of steps away.

“Alter the Anchor”

The Intended

Down went the tab, sinking and submerged into the liquid wheat.
I pulled the ring back, and pressed my lips against the rim, cold.
Hurrying pulling it back, I chocked slightly as I tried to maintain my composure.

I have won the war.
The many days of preparation and fear, the anger and grit.
Not sure if it was intended or was it by a stroke of luck.

I celebrated with seven cans of liquid gold and half a packet of cigarettes.
But in all honesty it wasn't just a walk in the park.
Half the time it was me believing in something which I want; how hard you yearn is all.
Probably sometimes, it doesn't pave in your favor.

Intuition

--

I spend half my time thinking, thinking of whys and hows.
It's coy, but it's worrying.
At the same time, it's unrewarding; the shared perspective and disregards.
Head tilts and crinkled brows.
The silver lining that I'm searching for and an unclear destination.

I've learnt to listen more elaborately.
I take criticism, constructive, to my own good will.
Strange enough it doesn't affect me, but it grows upon me.
Like what the a famous witch once said,

Perspective

--

How now Mr. Brown Cow?
I join tips of my index fingers, I curled them together and hope.
The mechanic across, curious but focused.
Unfrayed.

I realized how important it is to be open.
To acknowledge and to appreciate.
Flickering lights and goodnights.
I bid farewell to a time of chase, a time to forgive.

"Regain The Lost".